The Day Ruiner

No, Michael Buble, it’s not a beautiful day. I wish I could share your enthusiasm as you cheerfully croon on the radio. Not only it is the weather crappy and cold but I’ve been left feeling like a horrible mother again.

I know others out there relate, you’re not alone.

My youngest started junior kindergarten last week. Everything went well the first two days, no tears. On the third day she clung to me bawling. I had gone through this when she went to the local early learning program so I knew what to expect. It doesn’t make it any easier.

She bawled that she wanted to go home, practically begging me to take her away, which was a variation from before. When I told her she had to stay at school she sobbed, “No thank you.” Such manners.

The ‘take me home’ plea is a trap! If you do it once, they know it works. No matter how much you want to take your child home to make them feel better, don’t do it!

Luckily, as I sat on the bench consoling my daughter, a woman I know at the school walked by. Together, we managed to extract the bawling child from me. Her cries followed me out the door as I got back to my van.

And that’s the image I was left with for the whole day.

My husband had text the angel of a woman who took my crying child to see how things were going. Apparently, my daughter quit crying immediately after I left.

But, as any parent who has been through this knows, it doesn’t erase the memory of their little arms desperately clinging to you, pleading not to be left there.

My oldest daughter would skip off without a care, forgetting to say good-bye most mornings, so this has been an adjustment for me. I know it’s best to leave quickly and not draw it out, which is difficult.

This morning, it was the same scene, except she was crying before we even left the house. When I pulled up to the school she confidently says, “I’ll just wait in the van.” No my dear, you have to go to school. And cue more tears.

We immediately went to find the magic woman and my daughter went with her a little more willingly this morning.

I still feel horrible about leaving her so upset.

I went to Tim Horton’s, purchased a hot chocolate with a caramel flavour shot and looked longingly at the liquor store, wishing it was open so I could add a shot (probably half a bottle) of kahlua or Bailey’s to it.

I’ve been told she will adjust and it will get easier, but she did this at the early learning program every day for the whole school year, so I’m not holding out hope. I am very thankful to the school for being supportive, of course the magic woman who has taken my bawling daughter two mornings so far and to my oldest daughter who has been looking out for her little sister.

To all those parents out there experiencing the same thing, hang in there.

You’re not alone.