How Family Friendly Are We?

I often wonder how family friendly our society is. We have evolved and continue to improve, but I think we still have a long way to go in regards to both services offered and the way parents with young children are viewed or treated. Usually places that say they are family friendly don’t count on parents bringing infants or toddlers or don’t think about the needs associated with them. This is why it can be a bit of a pain to attempt to take young children places, unless it’s a quick outing.

People are almost penalized for having a family right from the start. In Canada, women can take a year off for maternity leave and receive money from the federal government. The year off is great, but you’re only making about 55% of your pay, unless your employer tops it up, and you cannot file for it until you are already on maternity leave, which results in a waiting period of at least two weeks. How does that make sense? Bills don’t decrease when you have a baby and you have numerous extra expenses, yet you only get a portion of your regular pay. It is better than the United States where a woman gets six-weeks off and can only take maternity leave if she has health coverage.

What this treatment says to me is that the government doesn’t care about giving babies/young children the best start they can get by having a parent home, instead all the government is concerned about is how much you contribute to society through work. Governments wonder why our birthrate is declining, is it that hard to see why? Canada and the U.S. can learn something from some European countries that offer longer leaves and offer 80-100% of the mother’s pay. In some cases, the father is also given the opportunity for a paid leave at the same time as the mother.

Someone I know, who is not married and has no children, once said that people with babies and young children should not go out to restaurants because they disturbed people’s dinner. Are you serious? Because I have kids, I’m not allowed an evening out with them? I do not allow my children to run around a restaurant and try to keep them from talking to people at the tables around us so they don’t disturb someone else’s dinner, but they are children and they will make noise and occasionally have a meltdown. Children are a part of our world so those who have a problem with children dining (and I use that term loosely when it comes to the children because mine don’t usually eat much when we’re out) at a restaurant, get over it. I am allowed to treat my child to a meal in a restaurant that’s not McDonald’s.

Many establishments could do a better job of accommodating families by offering some basic services. Changing a diaper is a necessity when you have a young child but facilities are not available everywhere. Large franchises or malls usually offer a plastic change station that’s mounted on the wall with an empty dispenser for sanitary coverings for the table, or, if you’re really lucky, there will be a family bathroom that can be used by either parent. Smaller restaurants are hit and miss, which could leave you changing your child’s diaper in the vehicle, an adventure all its own. We have a 7-hour drive with our children when we go visit our families and have learned where to stop along the way to have a break and change a diaper. In the area of change stations, our society is improving.

Food on the other hand needs some work. Many restaurants offer a children’s menu, which is fine if your child is four years old or older. When I’m trying to feed my 21 month old, it’s a challenge. You want something relatively healthy (preferably not greasy French-fries), that is safe for her to eat, and doesn’t bother her GERD. Pasta without sauce is usually a good choice and if I can get some vegetables, that’s a bonus. When the food arrives, the portions are huge. My little one eats a lot, but there’s no way she eats a restaurant portion. It would be nice if restaurants kept babies and toddlers in mind when developing a children’s menu and maybe offered some ½ portions.

If you’re travelling with an infant who breastfeeds, have fun. Breastfeeding in the vehicle is always an option, but not always the most comfortable. I was not shy to breastfeed discretely in public with the attitude, “I breastfeed, get over it.” Even in a society as progressive as ours, there are still people who have a problem with public breastfeeding, even if the mother is not revealing her breasts. I know women who have been asked to stop breastfeeding in a public place or asked to leave an establishment when they were breastfeeding. There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding in public, in fact it’s the right of a mother to do so.

Very few locations offer a place for a mother to breastfeed, unless it’s in the middle of the store or restaurant. Our new Wal-Mart has a little concrete bench, which was not very good when I tried it. It was so narrow I kept bumping into the change table beside it and worried about smacking my little ones head on the wall. Thanks for the try Wal-Mart.

There is a movement in Timiskaming to do more to support families with young children. Our local Best Start program along with other partners including the local health unit, is promoting an initiative that encourages establishments to be breastfeeding friendly and to offer change stations. This is a very positive step, especially for smaller communities where it can be harder to find a place to feed or change your baby. The local Early Years Centre also started a tent at our local fall fair for children under the age of six and families that offered a place to change or feed infants and activities for young children. Imagine looking for a place to change a baby at a fair in a small town, not something that is usually possible.

Some malls are also stepping up and offering more facilities to families with young children. I was very impressed with Sherway Gardens in Toronto. I was shopping there when my first child was a baby and needed to feed her. There are spacious family rooms and breastfeeding rooms that have very comfortable chairs and nice change stations. It made me feel very welcome. The Sears store in Sherway Gardens also offered a breastfeeding room, which I used once when we were there having family pictures done. I was also pleasantly surprised when I went into a bathroom at the Northgate Shopping Centre and they had a smaller toilet just the right size for my 6-year old daughter.

It is nice to see that we are moving forward and families with young children are made to feel more welcome in places, though we still have quite a way to go. People don’t want to be stuck at home with their children all the time, they want to take their children out to have fun, but to do that our society needs to work on meeting some basic needs, not ignoring them.