Several months ago I found myself stuck in the guilt cycle. I was unhappy with several aspects of my parenting and felt guilty and frustrated about it, which lead to more of that behaviour. Talking to other parents I know this is fairly common, so I wanted to share my experience.
How many feel like you yell at your children too much? Don’t be shy, raise that hand. Well, I was in that boat too and I hated it. The frustration with myself would build and I would end up yelling more. I also believe that I’m way to hard on my oldest child, which added to my guilt and frustration.
There were nights that I would go to bed and cry because I was so upset with myself. I wanted to do better but didn’t know how or believed it was too late, that I had already messed everything up. The next day I was back on the same path.
Round and round it went until one night I resolved that tomorrow would be a new beginning. I gave myself permission to let go of the past. It wasn’t too late to change.
The next day was a little better but I still didn’t do enough. That night I felt guilty again, but again I resolved that I would do better tomorrow. I repeated that several times.
Each day I would try and every night I vowed to do better tomorrow. Things improved and I was able to release the guilt, which made me less frustrated, which led to less yelling.
I’m not saying I’m perfect and I don’t get frustrated and upset with my children at times. I have managed to release some of my own baggage that was causing additional stress.
It’s a process. We can’t change over night. We need to accept that we aren’t perfect and give ourselves room for mistakes. When we slip, it’s important that we learn from it and move on without beating ourselves up too much. Parenting is hard enough without being down on ourselves all the time.
Remember – tomorrow is another day and you can do better tomorrow.
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